2ndchance

I'm Back!

I recently attended a State Peer Recovery Conference in the mountains to the west in my State. I had the opportunity to attend workshops which perculated new ideas and approaches in the field of peer support. I loved seeing old friends with whom I have not had any recent contact. There was also the enjoyable task of staffing my agency's table where we had all kinds of hand-outs, bling, and business cards. The best part of this was the networking. I exchanged information with new friends, and picked up some fun and thoughtful trinkets educational items. The keynote addresses were inspiring and the provided food was of good quality. The fact that this conference was held at a four-star hotel was awesome. And I was provided with a per diam which went toward room service when I still had to work on my computer.

 

Like I said, it was awesome to see old friends. Jamie and I had not been in the same room for over 5 years. She is an amazing woman who is passionate about empowering healing space for mental health and substance use Peers. She is a senior trainer for my agency...leading workshops both in-person and virtual, and life-changing retreats. In spite of the fact we work for the same organization, we are also spread out around the State. So we do not get to see each other that often. My mobility issues further complicate matters.

When I got home, I was exhausted, but it was a 'good exhaustion'. I returned with a renewed motivation to work on my book. That is where a large part of my energy will be focused over the next month or two. I will write here when I can.

Happy Mothers Day

Repost

Here is a repost from 2010, about a trip my mother and I took.  It brought back good memories to read it, so here it is.

17 April 2010

A Perfect Day

My family spent many happy days, when I was young, going camping with our tent and later our tent trailer.  We traveled up and down the east coast of North America. . . .from Canada to New England, to Pennsylvania, to Virginia, to South Carolina.  When we moved to Virginia during my high school years we started going regularly to Shenandoah National Park.  Dad would get home after work on Friday, and we would take off with the trailer for the two-hour ride to the Park and a campsite for the weekend.  Or we would spend a week during the summer at the Park. . .sometimes with good friends who also had a tent trailer.  There were hikes up to mountain peaks, and down to hollows with cool, refreshing falls.  There were mornings spent picking blueberries, and nights spent at the large outdoor amphitheaters listening and learning from Park Rangers.  When I was home from college on breaks, you could often find me backpacking the AT or other trails in the Park. . .alone or with friends.  When I got older, I would take groups of youth to the Park. . .sharing with them the love I had for the place.

For various reasons, it has been almost 10 years since I have been to Shenandoah.  Yesterday morning, Mom and I loaded up her car, and I drove us to the Park for the day.  The drive itself is beautiful. . .Route 33 winding through towns in the foothills. . .passing by vineyards and horse farms. . .always with the mountains in the distance, beckoning.  The car climbed up Swift Run Gap to the entrance station to the Skyline Drive.  We stopped at overlooks and marveled at the clear day. . .blue skies with occasional clouds racing over the mountain range.  The temp dropped about 10 degrees. . .from the 89F of the Piedmont, to the 78F of the Park.  We made it to Big Meadows and to the Byrd Visitor Center.  We saw deer, learned about local bobcats, had a picnic lunch, and drove around the campground area. . .remembering.  Spring was just starting to poke its head out, with most trees still bare.  We returned to our city, before dark, and had a filling supper at a local eatery.

We both agreed that the day had served to clear our heads, and get us away from the problems and challenges of our lives.  We forgot those challenges, just for today, as the beauty of the natural world surrounded us. 

We also gained a new memory.  I'm aware that, as my mother grows older, such trips may not always be possible.  I want to look back and remember that we took the opportunities that were available, and used them to the fullest.  It was a perfect day. . .and that is how I will remember it.

My family spent many happy days, when I was young, going camping with our tent and later our tent trailer.  We traveled up and down the east coast of North America. . . .from Canada to New England, to Pennsylvania, to Virginia, to South Carolina.  When we moved to Virginia during my high school years we started going regularly to Shenandoah National Park.  Dad would get home after work on Friday, and we would take off with the trailer for the two-hour ride to the Park and a campsite for the weekend.  Or we would spend a week during the summer at the Park. . .sometimes with good friends who also had a tent trailer.  There were hikes up to mountain peaks, and down to hollows with cool, refreshing falls.  There were mornings spent picking blueberries, and nights spent at the large outdoor amphitheaters listening and learning from Park Rangers.  When I was home from college on breaks, you could often find me backpacking the AT or other trails in the Park. . .alone or with friends.  When I got older, I would take groups of youth to the Park. . .sharing with them the love I had for the place.

For various reasons, it has been almost 10 years since I have been to Shenandoah.  Yesterday morning, Mom and I loaded up her car, and I drove us to the Park for the day.  The drive itself is beautiful. . .Route 33 winding through towns in the foothills. . .passing by vineyards and horse farms. . .always with the mountains in the distance, beckoning.  The car climbed up Swift Run Gap to the entrance station to the Skyline Drive.  We stopped at overlooks and marveled at the clear day. . .blue skies with occasional clouds racing over the mountain range.  The temp dropped about 10 degrees. . .from the 89F of the Piedmont, to the 78F of the Park.  We made it to Big Meadows and to the Byrd Visitor Center.  We saw deer, learned about local bobcats, had a picnic lunch, and drove around the campground area. . .remembering.  Spring was just starting to poke its head out, with most trees still bare.  We returned to our city, before dark, and had a filling supper at a local eatery.

We both agreed that the day had served to clear our heads, and get us away from the problems and challenges of our lives.  We forgot those challenges, just for today, as the beauty of the natural world surrounded us. 

We also gained a new memory.  I'm aware that, as my mother grows older, such trips may not always be possible.  I want to look back and remember that we took the opportunities that were available, and used them to the fullest.  It was a perfect day. . .and that is how I will remember it.

A Perfect Day

My family spent many happy days, when I was young, going camping with our tent and later our tent trailer.  We traveled up and down the east coast of North America. . . .from Canada to New England, to Pennsylvania, to Virginia, to South Carolina.  When we moved to Virginia during my high school years we started going regularly to Shenandoah National Park.  Dad would get home after work on Friday, and we would take off with the trailer for the two-hour ride to the Park and a campsite for the weekend.  Or we would spend a week during the summer at the Park. . .sometimes with good friends who also had a tent trailer.  There were hikes up to mountain peaks, and down to hollows with cool, refreshing falls.  There were mornings spent picking blueberries, and nights spent at the large outdoor amphitheaters listening and learning from Park Rangers.  When I was home from college on breaks, you could often find me backpacking the AT or other trails in the Park. . .alone or with friends.  When I got older, I would take groups of youth to the Park. . .sharing with them the love I had for the place.

For various reasons, it has been almost 10 years since I have been to Shenandoah.  Yesterday morning, Mom and I loaded up her car, and I drove us to the Park for the day.  The drive itself is beautiful. . .Route 33 winding through towns in the foothills. . .passing by vineyards and horse farms. . .always with the mountains in the distance, beckoning.  The car climbed up Swift Run Gap to the entrance station to the Skyline Drive.  We stopped at overlooks and marveled at the clear day. . .blue skies with occasional clouds racing over the mountain range.  The temp dropped about 10 degrees. . .from the 89F of the Piedmont, to the 78F of the Park.  We made it to Big Meadows and to the Byrd Visitor Center.  We saw deer, learned about local bobcats, had a picnic lunch, and drove around the campground area. . .remembering.  Spring was just starting to poke its head out, with most trees still bare.  We returned to our city, before dark, and had a filling supper at a local eatery.

We both agreed that the day had served to clear our heads, and get us away from the problems and challenges of our lives.  We forgot those challenges, just for today, as the beauty of the natural world surrounded us. 

We also gained a new memory.  I'm aware that, as my mother grows older, such trips may not always be possible.  I want to look back and remember that we took the opportunities that were available, and used them to the fullest.  It was a perfect day. . .and that is how I will remember it.

Dust and Cobwebs and A Story

Hello familiar place.  You bring back many memories.  Just the simple act of writing feels...rusty...but good.  I was talking with a friend tonight about blogging and 'writing for the joy of it'.  There has not been much joy for me recently, but I suddenly feel like writing again. So here is something short.

My mother passed away a few months ago. At her Celebration of Life, I spoke to those gathered. It was important to me that they be able to laugh a little and remember her whimsical nature.  So I shared a few stories.  St. Patrick's Day was always one of my mother's favorite holidays.  Being Irish, she felt it was her civic duty to spread the spirit and joy of the day with others.  Especially her students at school.  Picture her, early on St. Patrick's Day, arriving at her elementary school.  She unlocked the door to her second grade classroom and prepared for the arrival of the children.  Then, locking the door behind her, she waited for them to arrive.  When the kids entered the room, they found shamrock candy everywhere, crushed crackers under the desk, a pot of gold chocolate coins, and a general Irish mess!  'Look,' she would say, ' the leprechauns have been here!  There they go, out the window!'  When asked, many of the children said they could see the leprechauns.  If there were any doubters, she would take the kids to the bathroom, where the toilet water had been dyed green!   

Yes, my Mom was fun to be around.  And that is how I will remember her.  More to come.

Transitions

My mother is facing some challenges.  She has had trouble with her memory for several years now.  She has been able to cope with some support from me and from her friends.

It became apparent six weeks ago, that she was not able to cope any longer without some additional supports.  She had become overwhelmed by her apartment, was not able to manage her meds any more, and was experiencing some real confusion.  We tried some stop-gap measures to see if she could remain in her Independent Living apartment, on the campus of Lakewood Manor.  She has lived in this apartment for eight years...enjoying the community of her friends and many different activities.  The stop-gap measures included having the facility clinic manage her meds.  That did not work either.  Her friends and family were worried about her safety.  It became apparent to her doctor and to me that she needed some additional help.

One of the good things about the retirement facility where she lives, is that it has 'continual care'.  She can move seemlessly between Independent Living, Assisted Living, Healthcare, and Memory Care.  So she moved to Healthcare about four weeks ago, so that she could receive some different therapies, and so that she could be evaluated.  I have been a busy bee...setting up doctor appointments, accompanying her to her MRI, washing her clothing, and other tasks.  She is mother and I love her; so I have gladly taken on these tasks.

She was seen by a neuro-psychologist and evaluated.  We received the diagnosis last week:  Dementia with delusional features, anxiety, and depression.  She has been experiencing some serious confusion and paranoia...and having some very scary dreams.  She has very lucid moments, and then like a switch has been thrown, she is very disoriented and doesn't know where she is.  This has been very hard for her as she has some insight into what is happening, and very hard for me to see.  It has been equally hard on my sister and her family..who live and work in SE Asia...and on Mom's friends who live here at Lakewood.

We saw the Neurologist this past week, and she agreed with the diagnosis.  She prescribed some medication to address the confusion and Mom's anxiety.  I am glad that we are actually starting to treat the condition.  I realize, of course, that there is no cure and that in spite of the medication, Mom will continue to decline over the coming years.

I am losing my mother, and the grief is almost too hard to bear at times. 

My friends and caregivers have been continuing to support me.  I have had to review Mom's durable and medical power of attorney plans...which she fortunately took care of back in 2005.  Our good friend Cindi, who is on both plans with me, has visited and will be returning from her home in South Carolina to help.  And thankfully, my sister is returning to the States from SE Asia for a few weeks to help.

Mom will not be able to return to her apartment.  Instead, she will need to move to either Assisted Living, or Memory Care.  For the time being, she remains in Healthcare...where she is safe and can be monitored for her adaptation to the new meds.  Cindi and Cathleen and myself will go through the things in the apartment; and with consultations with Mom, make some decisions as to what is to be kept, what is to be placed in storage, and what is to be sold/given away/etc. 

I think that my (infrequent) posts on this blog still show up on some friends' feeds...and some of them know and love my mother.  So if you are reading this, please follow your own traditions...and say some prayers, send some mojo, think positive thoughts, comment here, have some moments of silence.  All will be appreciated.

This is yet another transition on the circle of life.  We will continue to love and support Mom.  I tell her two things every day:  First, that if she forgets...I will remember.  Second, that she can release her anxiety each evening to God, get a good night's rest, and tomorrow is a new day.

Update on our documentary

You will remember the film I was in with several of my peers, where we shared our mental health recovery stories. We wanted to help break down the stigma associated with mental illness.

The documentary is used for trainings at my agency and has spread across my state...used by many other organizations. We just learned last week, that it has been nominated for an Emmy Award! Wow! Excited and hopeful that the show's producer will get the recognition he deserves for his vision. More later when we find out something.

See it online at:

http://henrico-va.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?publish_id=261

We are all getting older

Received another AARP (for my non-USA friends:  American Association of Retired Persons) card in the mail today.  That makes the third that has been sent to me since my birthday a few months ago.  Apparently, someone, somewhere is keeping track of how old we all are.  Since I'm not retired, it just doesn't feel right to join yet.  I can't see what use a membership would be at this point. . .I have my AAA (American Automobile Association) membership for hotel discounts, etc. 

Still, it is a bit disoncerting that someone at AARP is tracking my aging process.  Does this mean that when I turn 65 or 67 (or whatever the retirement age will be after the current legislative entitlement changes are hashed out) that I will be 'drafted' into the ranks?  Heh.

Housemate Needed

So I had a housemate for about 7 1/2 years.  He moved out right about the time I had my back surgery to live with his gf, and I have been looking for a roommate ever since.  I like having a housemate for several reasons:  to cut back on expenses, and to have someone to 'bounce off of' as the place can get really quiet.

I'm picky about who I share quarters with.  My apartment is after all a refuge and place for me to unwind and be myself.  So there have been several potential housemates that I have chosen not to pursue.  One was a smoker, two others simply didn't have the funds to handle splitting the costs of my rather modest place.  I have done the online search thing, have advertised at several local graduate schools, etc.  I have notdone the Craigslist thing...not wanting to meet all the local creepy people.  (yes that is a personal bias)  I have also advertised on an online county employee classified ads site.

There have been two 'nibbles' from the later.  I am in contact with the latest person right now via phone and email.  I hope he will be interested enough for us to meet up someplace.  He is 22...a little younger than I was looking for; but I am flexible and have spent most of my life working with younger people.  He is moving out of his dad's place and starting a new local job....so this would be his first place apart from living at home.  I don't know, he might not want to live with a 50-year-old.  When I was his age, I thought 50 sounded really old.  With a few exceptions, like in seminary, most of my housemates have been younger than me.  I just sent this guy an email outlining the details about the apartment.  He plans to call me later in the week.  We shall see.

The bottom line is that I need a housemate now.  The surgery means I have some significant $ to pay back, and there are always other expenses.  I have paid all of my bills so far, with some help from my family.  But this can't go on forever.  I have pretty much drained my savings, and don't have much income in the first place.  So all my friends know I need a housemate.  Everyone is praying.  I have done just about everything I know to do.

 

I may be Home

For what has seemed an eternity over my recent history, I have been searching for a new church 'home'.  A place to be and to grow spiritually...a place where grace is extended to me, and where I can extend grace to others.  A place which speaks to me of my deep roots in faith in God.  I am not the same man I was in college or in seminary...I have grown in new ways and been open to new Light.  I am grateful to Friends and friends who have been on part of this journey together with me.  My life has reflected a lot of work on my mental health in recent years, and I have also taken a stab at imporving my physical health by losing some weight and exercising.  Now I need to return to nurturing my spiritual health because I believe strongly in a holistic approach to life and living.

I believe that I have found that new church 'home'.  At least I am willing to try and become integrated into the fellowship there.  It is an inclusive and loving place...where nobody is turned away.  It is a place which is consistent with the teachings of Jesus.  I will take baby steps with this new venture and see where I am led and where I choose to go.

I think it is clear even for my good friends who are not Christians or who are Atheists or Wiccan, or Hindu, or whatever, that being part of community can be important and powerful.  For my friends and family who have prayed that I would find a church home, thank you!  For all of my friends who read this, I say in the tradition of my faith, 'Thanks be to God'!

 

St Thomas in Ginter Park, Richmond, Virginia

I'm on TV now

Well, not one of the major networks.  But the Public Service Announcement project we are working on has led to a documentary, on local television, which seeks to break down the stigma of mental illness.  A number of my friends, clients, and co-workers participated with this 26-minute program. . .along with yours truly.  :)

You can only see the documentary on TV if you live in my local metro area.  But guess what?  You can also view it online.  You will need to have Silverlight installed on your computer to view it.  Here is the link

 If you can find the half-hour or so to watch it through to the end, I think you will be glad you did.  Overall, there are some generalizations; but it is a good look at the kind of work that I presently do.  The producer did a great job of weaving our stories together.  Given the recent publicity about persons with mental illness who do negative things, it is a nice change.  Let me know what you think.