So this has been a hella week. I get to work on Monday morning to learn that one of my clients died on Friday. He had ravaged his body with cocaine and alcohol abuse. . .not to mention smoking tobacco non-stop. . .for years. But the past few years he had been clean and sober and most importantly, happy. I will miss him.
Meh. Well the pure mania is gone. . .only to be replaced by mixed states and the basic blahs. I haven't written here because there is nothing to write about other than whining. Doctor put me on a med for sleep as I haven't been doing much of that for over a week. Now I remember why I hate this particular med (the same reason I remember hating it the last time he put me on it.) It leaves me so hung over and pushes me in the other direction much too far.
Took the meds last night at 8pm and was barely able to climb out of bed at nearly noon today. This is after taking them for the past six days. . . .plenty of time for the initial side-effects to mellow. If I was working, I would be screwed, and unable to show up.
Know the feeling you get when the chain has pulled your car all the way to the top of the slope on the roller coaster. . . .and you're hanging over the edge? Oh, did I mention that it's dark out. . . with nobody else being able to ride in the car with you? (not that they are not willing to. . .they just can't)
I've been trying to think of reasons to live. No, I'm not sitting here thinking of ways to die. . .I've actually done that enough over the past week. Today it's all about reasons to continue living.
All the pat ones that people tell me and that come to mind immediately aren't doing it for me anymore.
