2ndchance

Maladjustment II

IN 1967, the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. addressed the American Psychological Association.  Among his remarks are included the following:

I am sure that we will recognize that there are some things in our society, some things in our world, to which we should never be adjusted.  There are some things concerning which we must always be maladjusted if we are to be people of good will.  Men and women should be as maladjusted as. . . .Thomas Jefferson, who in the midst of an age amazingly adjusted to slavery, could scratch across the pages of history, words lifted to cosmic proportions, 'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal.  That they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights.  And that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' And through such creative maladjustment, we may be able to emerge from the bleak and desolate midnight of man's inhumanity to man, into the bright and glittering daybreak of freedom and justice.

Go with the flow, people say.  Get used to it, don't rock the boat, accept things the way they are.

I think not.  We need 'creative maladjustment' to be a norm in our interactions with the world.  How can change for the better be precipitated if we don't rock the boat a little.  Let's go out and rock our world today.

Maladjustment I

J. Krishnamurti once said:

It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

We can not be content with the way things are in our world.  We can not simply adjust to the status quo and live out our lives as if everything was fine and dandy.  So if we are a bit off-kilter and maladjusted to life, is that such a bad thing?

Back to life

So this has been a hella week.  I get to work on Monday morning to learn that one of my clients died on Friday.  He had ravaged his body with cocaine and alcohol abuse. . .not to mention smoking tobacco non-stop. . .for years.  But the past few years he had been clean and sober and most importantly, happy.  I will miss him.

WRAP it up for life

Things have been a bit busy lately, and thus I have sadly neglected writing here.  No. . .that's not a good excuse because lots of times I write more when I'm busy. . .more to write about.  So I don't know, but it doesn't matter as here I am.

Just finished an awesome training on learning to facilitate WRAP.  What is WRAP you say?

Counting Down

Tomorrow is the last day of class for the semester.  I just finished my last final exam and will have one more test tomorrow.  Wednesday afternoon is for packing and I will check out Thursday morning.  Then we have a two week break before the summer semester/internship begins.

It's kind of bittersweet.  Although I will miss the teachers and students up here, I am ready to be in my own home again.  Next week I will have surgery on my eyes that will hopefully correct all the discomfort and problems with them.  Then I am very excited about the start of my internship; although I will probably have raccoon eyes for a few weeks.

The last paper I wrote was about my experience here.  I wanted to share the final paragraph:

This program has re-oriented me toward a recovery I never knew could be there.  The whole 'recovery movement' is a concept which is relatively new and exciting to me.  It promotes the idea that I can be more than just functional with my daily living; instead, I can manage the small slice of the 'pie' that is my illness and recover my life.  There is hope, for the first time in the past several years, that I can once more use my gifts to help others in a professional manner.  And now I can use the experience of VHST to inform those gifts to specifically help those with mental illness.

I am not my diagnosis. . .I am not bipolar.  I am living with mental illness, and now I can help others really live too.

Now What

Ok. It's official.  I now weigh the most I ever have.

Went to the doctor for a few odd things and got hit with the big scale numbers.  I knew I had been gaining weight; just not that much.  I've always had a weight problem. . .since I graduated college.  But it has only gotten bad since I have been on certain meds.

Shall we have a cocktail?

When doctors speak of a 'cocktail' of meds with bipolars, they aren't kidding.  When I had all kinds of trouble sleeping, my doctor put me on several meds.

It's working.  A little too good.  Now I sleep great but have had trouble getting up in the morning.  I mean 'hangover'-getting-deep-rem-sleep can't get up.

So now we have added a new med to the mix.  Ritalin.  Funny that it makes me think of all the kids I've known who took it.  It kept them from being scattered and wired.  Of course the effects of Ritalin are different with adults. . .

In a Rut

Ever drive on a dirt country road after a rain?  There are bound to be ruts that your tires get stuck in and getting out of the ruts is easier said than done.  Sometimes it is just simpler to stay in the rut until it ends.

I've been in a rut for the past two weeks from which I can't seem to get out.  I've hesitated to write here because there wasn't anything except depressing stuff to report.  Thanks to Andrew and Sheryl and my mother for checking in with me.  Oh and e-mail from Rob and Jason and a phone call with Chad all helps. :-)

Relative Calm

Relative calm on the mental/emotional front.  After a period of self-imposed isolation because of the eye and my mood in general, I have been getting out more.

The eye was really nasty looking and I couldn't stand people's reactions to it.  So it was easier to stay home.

Drugs

The number one reason why people stop taking their medication is because of the side effects.  It is a balancing act between the good that the meds bring and the bad that they bring.  This is true for a wide range of conditions. . .from cancer to Parkinson's to mental illness.

Some of my side effects have become worse than my illness, so I asked my doctor to find alternatives.  We have Dc'd (discontinued) some of them, and added some new ones.  So at the moment, I am rather zoned out as my body adjusts to the new medication.  I take the meds early in the evening, and am still in a sleepy, flat-aspect state until around noon time the next day.

I'm going to tough it out for a few weeks.  Hopefully it will be worth it.  In the meantime, my writing here may be sporadic at best.