2ndchance

More PSA news

Download Maurice Bernard first edit

Here is another Mental Health PSA.  Went into the studio last week to record three more.  Just found out that our little venture won second place in a national award.  Way to go for all the readers and producers!

 

 

Connection Trauma

I made a connection with a young client yesterday.  He came to our agency because he was in crisis. . .making threats to hurt both himself and others. He was handcuffed as I entered the room, and he was very guarded in his talking at first.  As we found common ground, and talked as I have talked with hundreds of youth, he began to share about his life.  Won't get into details, but suffice it to say. . .he was carrying a lot of depression and anger.  As it became apparent that he needed to go to hospital for his safety, members of my team began the preparations in finding an adolescent bed, consulting with his family. etc.  However, he did not want to go, and had to be "TDO'd".  A TDO is necessary sometimes for the safety of the individual and community, and is always followed by a legal hearing within 72 hours to determine if the TDO is to continue.  It can be traumatic for everyone involved.  In this case, the client's mother agreed that her son needed to go to the hospital.  She had been afraid for him for some time.

I have never been TDO'd. . .always going willingly to hospital when it was necessary.  But if I was in danger of hurting myself or others and couldn't think straight, I would want to have someone step in and protect me from myself.  This is very conteraversal in the recovery community, and I fall someplace in the middle of the continum of opinions.

When it was time for him to be transported to the hospital, he had to be further restrained by shackles.(according to code and procedure in my state and locality)  I have seen kids in shackles lots of times during my tenure as a juvenilie probation officer.  And I know of cases where unrestrained people have escaped from cars and have gone running across the interstate. . .further endangering themselves and others. It really is a safety issue.

I understand all of that.  But this felt different for some reason.  My counselor said that my therapeutic boundaries were probably blurred.  He is probably right.  After saying goodbye to the kid, and encouraging him to give the hospital staff a chance (a very good hospital, by the way), I still went to the men's room, closed myself in a stall, and cried for a few minutes.

Public Service Announcements

Several friends and I have been recording and producing some PSA's for a local radio station.  We are hoping these Mental Health Awareness PSA's get picked up by other stations.  I had the privilege of recording the first ones (below).  Now I think we have about 27 different stories and readers.  Let me know what you think!

 

Download Tennessee Williams
Download Peter Green

Talking about the journey

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to keep this blog online.  I have written in it so sporadically over the past year or so.  Yet within the blog is a record of things that I don't want to forget.  Stories about people I have encountered, ideas that occur to me, and most of all my personal journey with mental health.

Over the past two weeks, I have had three opportunities to share my story in a public forum.  First, for our bi-monthly CIT training.  CIT is Crisis Intervention Training for First Responders in our community:  police, firefighters, rescue, and sheriff.  It is a training that teaches first responders how to work with persons living with mental health challenges.  The CIT leadership found a permanent 'slot' for me amongst the other presenters, and they wanted me to speak about what I do with ESP and also to tell my story.  So I did.

Two days after I shared my story with CIT, the lead police trainer sent me an e-mail requesting that I do something similar with the metro Hostage Negotiations Team.  So a week later, I found myself again sharing intensely personal information with a group of strangers.  These were all tough cops, detectives and officers, who are used to dealing with intensely difficult situations.

Finally, one of the agency supervisors asked if several of the peers would help with a presentation on recovery at our agency board meeting.  The Board was joined by our county administrator (the county's equivalent of mayor if we had a mayoral system) and one of his deputies.  Again I delved into some personal and painful memories.

All three presentations went well, and there was good feedback.  I even learned that the Negotiations team was called out the day after the presentation to work with a  mental health situation, and that our presentation informed and aided the team with their situation.

I don't mind doing this if it can help others to understand that many of us have crisis points, and then can re-engage with our lives.  That we are not always in crisis (which is where most first responders meet us) and that we are more than our diagnosis.  As I did the three presentations, I re-discovered that it takes a lot of emotional energy.  I went home feeling exhausted after all three.

I have made mistakes in my life.  One in particular has continually affected my life since I made it almost ten years ago.  My current job requires me to be open about this mistake and others with complete strangers.  It feels kind of weird at times.  However the benefits far outweigh the stress.  If just one other person can change their viewpoint on those living with mental health challenges; or if someone can have an 'aha' moment with their own journey, it is worth it.

I finish each of my presentations with the following:  What I once considered my greatest weakness has now become a source to my greatest strength.

Guess I will keep the blog for the time being.

Connection

Wow.

Just finished participating in a spirituality group here at Smith Mountain Lake.  An amazingly diverse group of people. . .each with different faith stories which have impacted their mental health recovery.  I found myself, for the first time in a long time, sharing some of my own journey with a group of strangers new friends.  It has been a while since I have been in a place where I felt comfortable sharing my spirituality in the context of my mental health recovery.

And this is the place to do it.  All of us here are in recovery here.

I even touched upon my suicide attempt. . .in the context of a discussion we were having on the topic. (First time for that too, in a long time.)  One of the other group members had said that she could not understand how someone could get to that bad of a place.  She thought it was a totally selfish act.

Well, it is a selfish act.  But I wanted her to understand how and why I got there. . .in spite of my faith in God and in others.  How I had lost faith in myself, and did not want to enter either hell or heaven, but just to stop.  How it created a huge hole that sucked me down, and how an amazing series of coincidences saved my life.  So I shared this.  And it opened the door for several other people to affirm what I had just said. . .those who have reached that same bad place and survived.  It is very empowering to talk to other 'survivors' and to listen to their stories.

It is almost time for bed and another long day tomorrow awaits.  I think I will sleep well tonight. . .surrounded by beautiful nature and beautiful people.

P.S. I also had a very empowering talk with two group members who attend a church in my home town.  Sounds like something I might want to check out.

Today=FTW

Need a Recharge

Here I am, sitting in the computer lab at the 4-H Conference Center on beautiful Smith Mountain Lake.  I'm here for the CELT Academy, which runs from today (Monday) through Friday.  CELT stands for Consumer Empowerment Leadership Training.  It is a training for and run by people living with mental health challenges.  We have about 22 people, plus 4 facilitators.  I came up here, primarily, to learn how to advocate for others when it comes to mental health.  I'm also interested in learning how to use grass-roots efforts to start up a drop-in center in my community.

So far so good.  I have been to many trainings and retreats in my professional life, and this one is starting on a good note.  The facilitators seem to be less interested in lecture type learning, and more into experiential learning.  The group is diverse. . .ranging from young to mature. . .from new with their mental health challenges to more experienced. . .and represent areas from all over the state.

What a beautiful place!  I arrived up here today around 2:30, and took a walk around.  Spring has yet to poke its head up here in the mountains, but I am looking forward to some spectacular sunsets.  I will journal here as I'm able. . .apparently, they keep us busy!

Seven Years

I woke up this morning. . .glad to be awake and alive.  Tomorrow will be the anniversary of both my first and second chances.

My life at the moment, is not perfect.  But when does that ever happen anyway?  It is certainly better than it was seven and even five years ago.  I am fortunate to have family and friends who care about me; to have a job where I can make a difference; to have a safe/warm/cool/whatever place to sleep and live; and to have enough financial resources to pay my bills and get along.  FB this morning is full of birthday greetings.

Enough reflection on the past.  Now for the future.  I would like to return to school and finish a Master's Degree.  I would like to take guitar lessons.  I would like to return to work full-time again.  I would like to be able to travel some again.  These are all within my reach.  Just have to take the small and big steps to get there.

Many thanks to the friends and family who continue to support me.  And many thanks to God who has never given up on me.  Today is a good day.  :)

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me

Here it is 4:41 am EST, and I've been awake for over an hour.  For the past two nights I have woken early and have been unable to get sleep.  I'm thinking that it has to do with a med change that was just made.  Sleep is a tricky thing with BP. . .either too much or too little can be a problem.

While I'm up, I went ahead and changed my FB status to quote a famous Indian proverb:  'All that is not given is lost'.  I watched 'City of Joy' last night (for the umpteenth time), and that quote is featured at the end of the movie.

I like that saying. . .it is deceptively simple, but it can lead to wonderful things.  All of us are blessed. . .some with material things, others with non-material gifts. . .others with both.  The point is made in the movie that even the poorest of the poor can give to others and benefit from the gift of giving.  Those of us who don't really have material wealth, can offer our talents and time to others in need.  It is can be a very human thing to give without thought of receiving back.

Let it be so.

Maladjustment II

IN 1967, the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. addressed the American Psychological Association.  Among his remarks are included the following:

I am sure that we will recognize that there are some things in our society, some things in our world, to which we should never be adjusted.  There are some things concerning which we must always be maladjusted if we are to be people of good will.  Men and women should be as maladjusted as. . . .Thomas Jefferson, who in the midst of an age amazingly adjusted to slavery, could scratch across the pages of history, words lifted to cosmic proportions, 'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal.  That they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable rights.  And that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.' And through such creative maladjustment, we may be able to emerge from the bleak and desolate midnight of man's inhumanity to man, into the bright and glittering daybreak of freedom and justice.

Go with the flow, people say.  Get used to it, don't rock the boat, accept things the way they are.

I think not.  We need 'creative maladjustment' to be a norm in our interactions with the world.  How can change for the better be precipitated if we don't rock the boat a little.  Let's go out and rock our world today.

Maladjustment I

J. Krishnamurti once said:

It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.

We can not be content with the way things are in our world.  We can not simply adjust to the status quo and live out our lives as if everything was fine and dandy.  So if we are a bit off-kilter and maladjusted to life, is that such a bad thing?