Talking about the journey

Sometimes I wonder why I continue to keep this blog online.  I have written in it so sporadically over the past year or so.  Yet within the blog is a record of things that I don't want to forget.  Stories about people I have encountered, ideas that occur to me, and most of all my personal journey with mental health.

Over the past two weeks, I have had three opportunities to share my story in a public forum.  First, for our bi-monthly CIT training.  CIT is Crisis Intervention Training for First Responders in our community:  police, firefighters, rescue, and sheriff.  It is a training that teaches first responders how to work with persons living with mental health challenges.  The CIT leadership found a permanent 'slot' for me amongst the other presenters, and they wanted me to speak about what I do with ESP and also to tell my story.  So I did.

Two days after I shared my story with CIT, the lead police trainer sent me an e-mail requesting that I do something similar with the metro Hostage Negotiations Team.  So a week later, I found myself again sharing intensely personal information with a group of strangers.  These were all tough cops, detectives and officers, who are used to dealing with intensely difficult situations.

Finally, one of the agency supervisors asked if several of the peers would help with a presentation on recovery at our agency board meeting.  The Board was joined by our county administrator (the county's equivalent of mayor if we had a mayoral system) and one of his deputies.  Again I delved into some personal and painful memories.

All three presentations went well, and there was good feedback.  I even learned that the Negotiations team was called out the day after the presentation to work with a  mental health situation, and that our presentation informed and aided the team with their situation.

I don't mind doing this if it can help others to understand that many of us have crisis points, and then can re-engage with our lives.  That we are not always in crisis (which is where most first responders meet us) and that we are more than our diagnosis.  As I did the three presentations, I re-discovered that it takes a lot of emotional energy.  I went home feeling exhausted after all three.

I have made mistakes in my life.  One in particular has continually affected my life since I made it almost ten years ago.  My current job requires me to be open about this mistake and others with complete strangers.  It feels kind of weird at times.  However the benefits far outweigh the stress.  If just one other person can change their viewpoint on those living with mental health challenges; or if someone can have an 'aha' moment with their own journey, it is worth it.

I finish each of my presentations with the following:  What I once considered my greatest weakness has now become a source to my greatest strength.

Guess I will keep the blog for the time being.

Comments

[Timbo]

Hurray for ongoing blogness!

[Patent Attorney]

Glad you have decided to keep this blog, let it stand as a record of your past and your journey, and do not feel pressured to update it if you are unable to. But it might be something you'll want to look back on one day.