2ndchance

Listen

A world where I want to live

Here is a link to a story on a friend's blog.  I wish that you would read it.  This is the world in which I want to live.

Amazing People

Yes life has been a bit stressful lately.  Yes it has seemed overwhelming at times.  However, I am grateful that I have the love and support of my family and friends.  I am grateful that I have a roof over my head, enough food to eat, and enough financial resources to pay my bills.  And I am inspired by amazing people who are passing through my life at the moment.

A friend of mine has been working on a projectwhich finds/provides housing for homeless people.  She has been out speaking to the homeless in our metro area. . .sometimes in the middle of the night. . .finding out what their needs and dreams are.  She is also an advocate for those living with mental health challenges, and recently won an award at a NAMI conference which we attended.  I am proud to call her a friend.

Another friend is utilizing his training to facilitate WRAP groups in our area.  The group empowers those with mental health challenges to reach out for hope, take responsibility for their own lives, educate themselves, advocate for themselves and others, and build healthy support networks.  The WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) includes a crisis plan which  mental health peers can use when they need immediate help.  All of this provides useful wellness tools and concrete ways to stay in recovery.  I am proud to call him a friend.

These are just two people who are making a difference.  They also have their personal challenges.  So when I feel like my challenges are getting the best of me, I remember them and their continued commitment to precipitate positive change in the lives around them.  And I re-commit myself to do the same.

Sunrise at Virginia Beach 2011

 

Waiting

It has been a long day.  I'm waiting in the lobby for some of my friends before we go eat some pizza.  Watching the surf roll in with the para-sailors and boogie-boarders.  Bike riders and even some tandem bikers on the boardwalk.  This has been a really great conference.  Check out of the hotel tomorrow morning and then back home.  I feel more relaxed today than I have for some time.  In other news, I've pulled my back or something.  Walking around like I'm an old man.  But a happy old man.  :)

**Update***  The New York style pizza was good, but expensive.  The others have gone off on a walk down the street looking for Ben and Jerry's.  I decided that my back couldn't handle any further walking tonight.  So I'm headed up to my room to sit on the balcony and feel the warm ocean breezes and listen to the surf for a bit. 

Quick update

I am at the NAMI/CITI conference at Virginia Beach.  (National Alliance of Mental Illness/Crisis Intervention Team International).  It is a great time of year to be at the beach. . .most of the crowds gone, but still warm enough to take a dip in the ocean if so inclined.  I can't believe that I have an oceanfront room, with my own little balcony.  I'm hoping to get up early enough tomorrow morning to take a sunrise picture and post it on FB.

Some things are still 'unsettled', but others are resolving themselves.  I will try to write some more over the next few days while I'm down here.

Unsettled

There are many things in flux at the moment.  First, I have switched to work in a new division of my agency. . .Emergency Services.  Having peers with the Crisis Team is cutting stuff for my agency and the state.  (not so much with other states that have been doing this for a while)  After several months, I'm not sure whether I like it or not.  There are moments, when I connect with clients, that make it worthwhile.  But I think many of the team members don't know/understand/appreciate what a peer can do.  So I am breaking new ground, and it is frustrating.

Second, our townhome has been invaded by the dreaded bedbugs.  We are not sure how they got here.  Over the past few weeks, we have had to pack up books, cds, dvds, papers, basically everything, and wash everything in sight.  In the past month I have washed more clothing, threw away more books, and shredded more paper than in the previous 8 years that I have lived here.  All the books and many other things are sealed in tubs in the attic, where it has been good and hot.  All the clean and hot-dried clothing is sealed in plastic bags.  (you have to really run the clothing in the dryer forever in case the little buggers have laid eggs etc.  So I have a lot of clothing that has shrunk).  We had our first treatment almost two weeks ago.  Everything taken out of drawers, cedar chest, etc; all of the furniture moved to the center of each room, cats taken to stay at my mom's for several days.  We have our next treatment the day after Labor Day.  So we basically have been living like we are in the middle of moving for the past month.  On the positive side, it has enabled us to purge.  On the other side, it has been a nightmare to go through.

Third, there has been a 'falling-out' with a  friend.  We have been good friends for the past several years, but a disagreement has led to tension.  I have tried to reach out to him to resolve things, but he is virtually ignoring me.  And it is such a minor thing that I can't believe he wouldn't want to salvage our friendship.  It has made me feel very sad.

Fourth, and fifth and sixth. . .there is much more.  I am keeping watch on myself and trying to use my support network and WRAP so that I don't go down a slippery slope to real depression.  It can be hard enough on good days to maintain, but when so many stressful things are going on at once, it can be very challenging.

Change

 

Finally, sunshine today!  Just took a few pics of a beautiful sunset.  Will have to post them when I return home.

One of the things we are working on up here at CELT is how to work together with a diverse group to reach a mutual goal.  Today there was a little conflict within my small group, and I felt myself shut down.  (Which is what I often do when confronted by conflict of any kind.)  When the CELT facilitator asked us to process our group experience, I went ahead and owned my issue. . .admitting to myself and to the larger group that this was something I need to work on.  When we returned to the small group, I fully participated and things went much smoother. 

Sometimes, a person just needs to step back, observe their behavior, and make a change.  And change is what CELT is all about. . .personal change, systemic change, and community change.  I have to be willing to change myself, before I can hope to precipitate change in the larger world.

Also had some interesting conversations with several different people.  I really love to hear people's stories; and as much as I like to talk, I also like to listen. 

Finally, I heard from an old friend via FB.  We haven't talked for some time, and reading her words made me smile.  :D  I look forward to catching up with her.

That's all from beautiful Smith Mountain Lake.

Connection

Wow.

Just finished participating in a spirituality group here at Smith Mountain Lake.  An amazingly diverse group of people. . .each with different faith stories which have impacted their mental health recovery.  I found myself, for the first time in a long time, sharing some of my own journey with a group of strangers new friends.  It has been a while since I have been in a place where I felt comfortable sharing my spirituality in the context of my mental health recovery.

And this is the place to do it.  All of us here are in recovery here.

I even touched upon my suicide attempt. . .in the context of a discussion we were having on the topic. (First time for that too, in a long time.)  One of the other group members had said that she could not understand how someone could get to that bad of a place.  She thought it was a totally selfish act.

Well, it is a selfish act.  But I wanted her to understand how and why I got there. . .in spite of my faith in God and in others.  How I had lost faith in myself, and did not want to enter either hell or heaven, but just to stop.  How it created a huge hole that sucked me down, and how an amazing series of coincidences saved my life.  So I shared this.  And it opened the door for several other people to affirm what I had just said. . .those who have reached that same bad place and survived.  It is very empowering to talk to other 'survivors' and to listen to their stories.

It is almost time for bed and another long day tomorrow awaits.  I think I will sleep well tonight. . .surrounded by beautiful nature and beautiful people.

P.S. I also had a very empowering talk with two group members who attend a church in my home town.  Sounds like something I might want to check out.

Today=FTW

Need a Recharge

Here I am, sitting in the computer lab at the 4-H Conference Center on beautiful Smith Mountain Lake.  I'm here for the CELT Academy, which runs from today (Monday) through Friday.  CELT stands for Consumer Empowerment Leadership Training.  It is a training for and run by people living with mental health challenges.  We have about 22 people, plus 4 facilitators.  I came up here, primarily, to learn how to advocate for others when it comes to mental health.  I'm also interested in learning how to use grass-roots efforts to start up a drop-in center in my community.

So far so good.  I have been to many trainings and retreats in my professional life, and this one is starting on a good note.  The facilitators seem to be less interested in lecture type learning, and more into experiential learning.  The group is diverse. . .ranging from young to mature. . .from new with their mental health challenges to more experienced. . .and represent areas from all over the state.

What a beautiful place!  I arrived up here today around 2:30, and took a walk around.  Spring has yet to poke its head up here in the mountains, but I am looking forward to some spectacular sunsets.  I will journal here as I'm able. . .apparently, they keep us busy!